How to Talk to Your Partner About Sleep Habits: This Valentine’s Day, Give Me Some Sleep

Picture this: you’re exhausted after a long day, you finally crawl into bed, ready for a much-needed deep sleep… and your partner starts snoring like a chainsaw. Or maybe they’re glued to their phone, scrolling at full brightness while you’re desperately trying to drift off. Sound familiar?

We spend roughly a third of our lives sleeping, but if your sleep routine is out of sync with your partner’s, that third can feel like a battleground. Sleep issues in relationships are completely normal, yet many couples avoid talking about them—until frustration boils over.

In this article, we’ll explore how to start the conversation about sleep habits, navigate common bedtime conflicts, and find realistic, practical compromises that work for both of you. We’ll also discuss why sleep issues impact emotional connection, and how long it actually takes to change a habit. 

Let’s dive in—and finally get you both a good night’s rest.

If you’ve ever stared at the ceiling, gritting your teeth as your partner snored beside you, you’re not alone. Many couples suffer in silence when it comes to sleep differences, either because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings or they assume nothing can be done.

But bringing up sleep struggles doesn’t have to be confrontational. Framing the conversation as a shared goal—better rest for both of you—helps shift the focus from blame to teamwork.

Sine Dunne, sleep expert and owner of Siest Sleep suggests starting small: “Instead of ‘you keep waking me up,’ try, ‘I read about something we can do to help us both sleep better—want to try it together?’”

And timing is key. Instead of tackling it after a bad night’s sleep, when patience is low, try a relaxed setting—maybe during breakfast or on a weekend walk. Keep it casual, and don’t bring it up in bed, as that can make the bedroom feel like a battleground.

Every couple has their quirks, but certain sleep struggles pop up again and again. If you’re dealing with any of these, you’re not alone. Here’s how to navigate them in a way that actually leads to change—without endless arguments.

1. The Night Owl vs. The Early Bird

One of you is ready to pass out by 10 PM, while the other is wide awake, watching Netflix or scrolling until 1 AM. Mismatched sleep schedules can leave couples feeling disconnected, frustrated, or sleep-deprived. The biggest issue? The night owl’s habits often disrupt the early bird’s ability to fall into deep sleep, making it harder to wake up refreshed.

How to bring it up: Rather than demanding change, frame it as an experiment. Try saying, “I know we have different sleep rhythms, but I wonder if we could find a little more overlap. Would you be open to trying something new for a week?”

How to make it work: Instead of forcing one person to adapt completely, find the middle ground. Adjust bedtimes gradually—maybe by 15-30 minutes—so there’s a shared wind-down period. If one person stays up later, they can use headphones for movies or dim lighting to avoid disturbing their partner. Having morning or evening check-in moments—even if it’s just five minutes—can help partners feel more connected despite different sleep cycles. A night owl might also explore why they struggle to sleep early—sometimes anxiety, overstimulation from screens, or bad habits make sleep elusive.

2. Snoring and Sleep Apnea: The Silent Relationship Killer (That’s Actually Really Loud)

Snoring can turn even the most patient partner into a sleep-deprived grump. And if it’s sleep apnea, it’s not just annoying—it’s a health issue that can lead to serious conditions like heart disease and daytime fatigue. Snoring often prevents restorative sleep, leading to irritability and daytime drowsiness.

How to bring it up: If snoring is a nightly struggle, avoid frustration-fueled complaints like, “You’re so loud, I can’t sleep!” Instead, try, “I noticed your breathing seems uneven at night—have you ever thought about getting it checked? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

How to make it work: Start with simple fixes—sleep position changes, nasal strips, or a humidifier can help mild cases. If snoring persists, a visit to the doctor may be necessary. Many partners find that a CPAP machine for sleep apnea can be life-changing, dramatically improving deep sleep and overall energy levels. If occasional snoring is the problem, earplugs or a white noise machine can make a huge difference for the non-snoring partner.

3. Sleeping Temperature Wars: Too Hot or Too Cold?

One of you loves a crisp, cool room while the other insists on sleeping with the heating cranked up and wrapped in three blankets. Temperature plays a major role in sleep quality, and finding a balance that suits both partners is key.

How to bring it up: Rather than an ongoing thermostat battle, acknowledge the discomfort: “I know we have different preferences for temperature, but I think we can find a way to make it more comfortable for both of us.”

How to make it work: Studies suggest the ideal bedroom temperature is 16-19°C (60-67°F) for optimal sleep. If one partner tends to feel cold, the best solution is to layer up with socks, warm pyjamas, or extra blankets on the side of the bed rather than to overheat the entire room. For the partner who runs hot, using breathable sheets, a cooling mattress pad, or a fan can help regulate their body temperature. The key is customizing personal comfort without disrupting the other person’s sleep.

Final Thoughts: What Works for You?

Here at Siest Sleep, we’re obviously a little biased when it comes to prioritizing sleep—because we know firsthand how much of a game-changer it is for relationships. But what about you? Do you think a TV in the bedroom is an absolute necessity? Would you rather freeze than negotiate over the thermostat? Do you swear by separate blankets? Or are you the partner who's never noticed their own snoring?

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to better sleep. What matters is having open conversations, testing out different solutions, and figuring out what actually helps you both sleep soundly—and wake up without resentment. Sleep isn’t just about getting rest; it’s about feeling good together every day.

So, tell us—what's the biggest sleep challenge in your relationship? Drop us a comment or let us know your best sleep-saving hack. After all, sharing ideas might just help someone else finally get their full eight hours!

hello@siestsleep.com